Bookishly Ever After Page 13

  “Em! Oh my God.”I looked around, hoping no one heard that.

  “Calling it like it is. You need a lot of work.”

  24

  “Someone’s happy.”

  Mom’s voice broke my reverie and I stopped my offkey humming. I pulled my headphones out of my ears and looked up to find her standing in the doorway to my room with an amused expression. “How embarrassed should I be right now?”

  “I think I saw that last bit where you waltzed with your yarn.” Mom walked in and dropped into my desk chair, laying her book on my giant to be read pile. “At least, it looked like waltzing.”

  I sat on my bed, grabbing a set of needles and starting to cast-on. “Life is really good,” I said, not even caring if I sounded incredibly goofy. “Like, burst-into-song, movie musical good.”

  “That’s…” Mom broke into a smile that made her look so much younger and a lot like Trixie. “… good.” She nudged the basket of knit gifts with her foot. “Even with your Sisyphusian knit task?”

  “Yup.” I wasn’t one of those girls who told their moms everything. But today the words just tumbled out of my mouth as I knit. “There’s this guy in band…”

  Mom leaned forward so fast, her knee smacked against the basket. She reached out to steady it before it could fall over. “Band?”

  I was so glad I had my knitting to look at. I didn’t think Mom would appreciate the eye roll that almost snuck out. “Marching and concert. Rock band guys are more Trixie’s type.”

  “Oh, good. Go on.”

  “He’s just really nice, is all.” And cute, and funny. But I didn’t bother adding those.

  Mom hesitated, flipping through the new dystopian on my desk before saying in a measured tone, “You’ve made a lot of commitments, including passing your midterms and your job. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t want you to date, which I don’t, by the way, but do you even have time for this boy?”

  I closed my eyes. My needles still clicked away. I’d made so many of these hats, I could knit them in my sleep. “Even if we were dating, which we’re not, he’s going halfway across the world until New Year’s. I don’t think I need to worry about distractions, Mom.”

  “I think I like this boy already.”

  “And then you wonder why I never tell you anything.” I looked up at her and frowned.

  “I’m too young to have grey hairs and your sister has already given me a few. Please don’t add to them. You’re supposed to be the easy daughter,” she said.

  Of course I was the easy daughter, the one born without social skills. “I’ll try harder to be boring.”

  “That’s all I ask.” She stood and reached out to gently smooth my hair. “But I’m happy you’re happy.”

  “Thanks.”

  “And I’m happy that you like a boy who isn’t going to be in our time zone. Any chance he’ll stay there?”

  “I’m really, really never telling you anything again.” I tossed a ball of yarn at her as she snatched up her book and ducked out of the door.

  Alone again, I fell back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling, my heart dancing in my chest as I thought about Dev and the concert. I couldn’t turn into a useless block when I saw him again. And, even though common sense screamed at me for dreaming about something that might not happen, I couldn’t help but imagine the possibilities. Maybe he’d pull me out into Marrano’s summer patio and kiss me under the twinkle lights, just like Daymeon and Taylor in Starbound.

  Fireflies—a December miracle would make that happen, of course—would fill the air around us. A light breeze would pick up, swirling my dress around me. Our eyes would meet, and neither of us would be able to look away. He’d look a little nervous, like he was trying so hard to make the moment perfect. I’d drop my eyes and start to walk away, saying something about going home, and he’d grab my arm, tugging me to part of the patio furthest from the streetlight.

  “Wait,” he’d whisper, “Don’t go.”

  He’d step closer and his free hand would come up to push back the strand of hair that had come loose from my updo. Note to self, do hair in an updo and tug a piece of hair free right after the concert. Daymeon—um, Dev—would then cup my cheek with his hand, his thumb almost skimming the edge of my lips. “You were amazing tonight. A real shining star,” he’d whisper to me. He’d slide his thumb down to touch my bottom lip again and I’d visibly catch my breath,

  I would look up at him, my eyes reflecting the twinkle lights. Maybe not as prettily as Taylor’s golden brown ones, but at least I’d do Grace’s bronze eyeliner trick tonight. “I couldn’t do it without you,” I’d say, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck.. “I—” But, before I could say anything else, he’d close the space between us, sweeping me into an epic kiss as the wind picks up and fireflies and leaves swirl around us. He’d pull me closer, close enough that I could practically hear his heartbeat, and then…

  I giggled, burying my face in my knitting. The cool silk fabric made my cheeks feel even hotter.

  “Oh holy hotness,” I said. That probably wouldn’t happen, I reminded myself, but it was nice to imagine.

  I put aside my knitting and pulled my copy of Starbound out of the pile of books next to my bed, as well as my notebook. Nothing like any of Taylor and Daymeon’s epic makeout scenes would happen, but a little bit of advance research definitely wouldn’t hurt.

  25

  The last notes of English Folk Song Suite died away and I dropped my flute to my lap, waiting for Osoba to take her bows and for the curtain to close before getting up.

  “Move.” I nudged Em, who purposely took her sweet time gathering up her sheet music.

  She gave me an impish look and stood. “What? In a rush?” She nodded at something over my shoulder and I turned to find Dev standing right beside me.

  “Meet me in the lobby?” he asked in a backstage whisper as he passed my music stand.

  “Sure,” I said, trying to look like I was interested in the order of my sheet music when what I really wanted to do was latch on to him like a rabid fangirl at a book signing. I bumped Em impatiently with my hip. “C’mon. You’re so slow tonight.”

  “Dev’s not going anywhere.” She finally started walking off-stage. “And the goal here is to get to the lobby a little bit after he does so you don’t have to do that whole awkward standing-around-checking-your-cell-phone-or-looking-atthe-awards-on-the-wall thing. Some people can pull that off and look good, but you really kind of suck at that.”

  So, I moved slowly, carefully packing up my flute. I tugged some strands of my hair free and Em forced some of her lip gloss on me. And, with one final check, she shoved me out into the lobby and headed off to find her ride home.

  I searched the crowded lobby for Dev. As soon as I caught sight of him by the offices and started making my way towards him, a bright blue streak zipped across my line of sight, focusing into a girl in a way-too-short blue dress who threw her arms around him. For a minute longer than anyone would consider a friendly hug, the dark-haired girl hung on his neck while Dev bowed his head low to talk to her, all smiles. Maybe it was a sister or a cousin…

  They turned slightly to let someone pass and I saw Lexie’s unmistakable profile. I froze midstep and a wave of dread washed over me. I was an idiot of epic proportions.

  Of course Dev didn’t want to date me. I was a geeky book nerd who dressed up like her favorite characters and read too much into everything. I bit back my embarrassment and irrational urge to cry. Not in public. If I could just duck down one of the hallways, I could call my parents for a ride, or maybe see if Em hadn’t yet left. I started backing up towards the language hallway when those too-familiar hazel eyes caught mine. Crud.

  Dev walked across the lobby and I stared up at the flags hanging from the ceiling to look like I wasn’t—and hadn’t been—watching. And like my heart wasn’t somewhere by my ankles. “Hey, Phoebe, ready to go? Matt said we could catch a ride with him.”

  I could h
ave gone with them. Like Maeve in the beginning of Glittering, I could have reached out and taken his arm, smiling smugly at Deirdre—uhm, Lexie. Of course, that was book two and Maeve and Aedan were together by that point, but it really didn’t matter if Dev was interested in me. If I was Maeve, I wouldn’t let any doubts keep me from doing anything, not even hanging out at Marrano’s. I took a deep breath, ready to turn myself into her.

  But one glance over at Lexie, who was checking her cellphone with a self-satisfied look on her face, and my resolve crumbled. “Actually, I realized I can’t hang out tonight. I—I need to go.” I shifted my weight from foot to foot and added, “Home.” The stupid little strand of hair that had ‘artfully’ fallen out of my updo got in my eyes and I tried to blow it out of the way.

  Was it my imagination or did his face fall a little bit? “Are you sure?”

  “It just came up.” I tried to come across as apologetic but detached, not like I had just had a bucket of cold water dumped on my head. Chin up. “Really, don’t worry about me. Lexie, and—and people are waiting. I won’t keep you. Have fun. I’ll see you when you get back.”

  “O-kay. I guess I’ll see you in the New Year?”

  “Not like we have a choice, right?” I gestured around the school.

  “Right.” Dev reached over tentatively and squeezed my hand. Like a friend would, I reminded myself. Alec would do the same. “Have a Merry Christmas, Phoebe,” he said softly.

  It was as if someone had made me swallow a porcupine, but I forced my smile to grow wider. “And I hope you have a safe trip and a great Santa Claus day.”

  A click of impossibly high platform heels announced Lexie’s arrival. She was perfect, from her thick, long blownout hair to the tiny rhinestones on her nails. “Dev, c’mon. Matt’s waiting.” She said, tugging on his arm.

  Dev nodded at her, then gave my hand one last squeeze. “I’m sorry you can’t make it.”

  I shrugged. My face hurt from this fake smile and I just wanted them to go away already. “Happens.” I backed up a step. “Sorry.”

  Without letting go of his arm, Lexie managed a onehanded check of her cellphone. “We’re going to lose our ride.” She then gave me a smile that made my insides twist a little bit more. “That little flute solo thing you did was really cute. Too bad you can’t come.” When I didn’t say anything, she slipped her phone back in her purse and wrapped her other hand around Dev’s arm. “Oh well, I’ll see you on Monday. Bye.” With that, she pulled Dev towards the front doors and he turned slightly to give me a little wave before disappearing into the night.

  I bolted for the Language Arts hallway and slid down the wall, burying my face in my skirt. It was such a relief not to have to pretend anymore. I tried to take deep breaths to loosen up the tight feeling in my lungs. This wasn’t a fairy tale and it wasn’t a book. Dev wasn’t going to run after me with a glass slipper or dive in front of me to protect me from evil fae. Why had I been so stupid and naïve to think otherwise?

  Another deep breath. I needed to find a ride. Focus now, fall apart later. I pulled out my phone and sent a mass text to everyone I knew was going to be in the audience tonight. Someone was bound to still be here.

  As I waited for my phone to buzz, a pair of glittery heels that looked a little bit like Dorothy’s shoes from the Wizard of Oz stopped in front of me.

  “I thought I saw you duck back here.” I looked up to see Grace waving her phone. “We got your text.”

  Leia kneeled next to me, not even caring about the dirt that got on her long skirt. “What happened? Grace said you were supposed to be going to Marrano’s tonight.” Her voice was soft with no trace of her usual, condescending kindergarten-teacher-like tone.

  I blinked at both of them, their expressions mirror images of concern. I wasn’t going to say anything… and then it all came spilling out.

  I never really liked Leia before, but the gentle way she rubbed my back and just listened without any of her usual “oh, aren’t you the most adorably naïve five year old” commentary made me think of her differently. I finished my story and she and Grace shared a long look, like they were communicating telepathically. Leia nodded. “What you need right now is a good cup of freakishly expensive coffee.”

  Grace tugged me to standing and swung my flute case onto her shoulder. “And I know the perfect place.”

  26

  “I don’t know why bookstores need to be open until eleven o’clock at night, but as long as they have coffee and free Wi-Fi, I’m not complaining.” Leia announced as she placed a tray on our tiny café table. She slid a ceramic mug of something topped with a giant mound of whipped cream at me. “One full-fat gingerbread latte with extra gingerbread and extra whipped cream for you. I talked them into throwing in a cookie.”

  I picked up the little gingerbread man on the side of my coffee cup and balanced him, head-down, in the whipped cream. “Thanks.”

  Grace swirled a chocolate spoon in her nonfat soy latte. “The concert was nice. Your solo was really high-pitched and squeaky.”

  When I twisted the gingerbread man free, his head had absorbed some of the whipped cream, becoming soggy and decapitating him. That plus her comment made me crack a smile. “You make it sound like I was playing a mouse, but thanks.”

  “Dev’s an idiot if he picked that girl over you. And a jerk for leading you on.” Leia said bluntly, bypassing all the pleasantaries. “I don’t really know them, but, at least from an outsider’s opinion, you’re better than both of them.”

  “Thanks, but Dev didn’t really lead me on. Not really.” Leia made a dismissive sound and the need to defend him surged up in me. “Em’s matchmaking radar was probably off. You know how she’s always harping on me to date. Dev would never go for someone like me.”

  “Excuse me?” Leia put down her mug with a clang and leaned forward. Grace, meanwhile, sat back and watched us like we were a tennis game, or like she was an anthropologist in the wild. “Someone like you?”

  “Come on. I’m a geek. I’m on first-name basis with every librarian in the county, but I don’t even know who sings the song that’s playing right now.” I pointed to the speaker above my head, blasting some pop-rock-whatever song. “Dev is so much hotter than me—”

  Grace almost choked on her coffee. “If you say so.” She muttered something about shoes and hair and marching band that I didn’t catch before shaking her head and waving. “Go on.”

  I took a sip of my latte before continuing. It was hard to be miserable while drinking something that could potentially give me a whipped cream moustache or nose. “And Lexie is gorgeous, put-together, smart, nothing like me. Of course he’d like her.”

  “I think you’re wrong. And blind.” Leia said, sitting back again. “There’s nothing wrong with being who you are, which is pretty kick-ass, too. But, you probably aren’t going to listen to either of us because I’m sure it’s easier to feel dramatically depressed right now.”

  I didn’t bother arguing with her. “You know what sucks the most about all of this?” I waved my headless gingerbread man in the air to make a point. “I could have left things alone and been okay, but no, instead I texted him and tried to flirt with him and wore makeup and dressed like Marissa and I made him socks. Who does that? No wonder he’d rather date Lexie.” My voice wobbled on the last sentence and I took a deep breath, blinking back tears that were threatening to come out. “It sucks. It majorly sucks. And I made such an idiot of myself trying to impress him.”

  Leia pat my back lightly. “You kind of did look stupid the last time I saw the two of you flirting over there.” She gestured with her chin towards the new releases. “But he looked stupid too, if I’m remembering right.”

  I let off a shaky laugh. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “It should. Being mutually stupid cuts any feeling that you made an idiot of yourself in half. Besides, when you graduate in about a year and a half, you’ll probably never see him again, anyway, so why should
you care what he thinks?” Leia said, handing me a tissue. Her voice had somehow morphed to gentle and comforting instead of grating. “Perspective. Don’t ever regret trying.”

  My fingers went to work twisting and picking at the edge of the tissue rather than wiping my nose and eyes with it. “The scariest part about trying is what I could lose from it all.”

  “Your pride?” Grace asked.

  I hadn’t thought of that. “Okay, my pride, too.” Instead of looking at them, I focused on the tissue. “Before all of this, my life was perfect. I had my book boyfriends and it was enough for me to read and dream about these guys because they weren’t real. I’m so scared I can’t go back to that. I’m afraid that maybe reality ruined me for fiction. And that means I really did lose everything.” My chest constricted, forcing me to choke out the last sentence. The thought of losing Aedan or Cyril or any of my other book crushes physically hurt.

  Leia scooted her chair next to mine and gave me a onearmed hug. “No, you didn’t. I doubt you’ll get over books that fast. Besides, I know you won’t believe me now, but the real world can be awesome, too. Until then, you know you have us, right?” She gave my arm another squeeze and stood. “I’m going to get more napkins.”

  When Leia was far enough from the table, I turned to Grace, who still watched me with that psychologist expression. And then I said something I never thought I’d say about Leia. “Your girlfriend is pretty awesome.”

  She went from serious to grinning in a nanosecond. “I know.”

  I used my headless gingerbread man like a spoon, flattening some of the whipped cream in my mug. “Is it weird to say I’m jealous?”

  Grace let off a little laugh and looked over her shoulder at the brunette. “It’s only weird if you’re threatening to steal her.”

  I grinned back at her, in spite of myself. “Yeah, no. Still like boys.”

  Leia got back to our table, dropping a pile of napkins in the center. “Feeling better?”